Co-Parenting During COVID19: A Mental Health Expert Weighs In

Every Friday, Kelley Rider Goodwin hosts a webinar series called Co-Parenting During COVID19. This webinar is all about navigating co-parenting and legal issues during this unusual time. This week, Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, mental health expert with The Child + Family Care Center at Lowry, joins Kelley to discuss how to talk to your kids about social distancing, shelter-in-place, and how to support your children during the loss of control and grief they, and we, feel. Dr. Ziegler also shares advice for improving effective communication in high-conflict, high-stress parenting interactions. Listen here.

Kelley opens the show giving law updates – the courts are still open, and if you need to file now is the time.

Then, Sheryl speaks about why this is the time to increase your communication with your co-parent. For a lot of people, it’s a complete stonewall – this is not in your child’s best interest. Your child knows they are 50% you and 50% the other parent. If you hate the other parent, then your child will feel like 50% of them are wrong. Now is the time to communicate! Use the resources that are out there – guidance is abundant.

Plus, Sheryl discusses empathy. It can be time to practice gratitude for your co-parent. Talk about what is in the best interest of your child with your co-parent. Try and approach these conversations with empathy. Stay calm about academic progress. Next year, teachers are going to know there will need to be a lot of reviews. Do not get overly hung up about it. Also, now is the time to pick and choose your battles. The battle worth bringing up should be health and safety. It might be time to be less aggressive with academic work.

Set clear boundaries. The only thing you can control is what happens in your house. We can’t control what is happening when our child goes to the other parent’s house. Do not waste your energy on things you cannot control. Again, pick and choose your battles. Now is the time to set your boundaries. Plus, now is the time to allow for more flexible communication between your child and the co-parent. Maybe they should be able to Facetime more often and allow for some private conversations.

Questions & Answers:

· What are the resources for understanding that screen time should be limited?

o https://healthykidshealthyfuture.org

o https://www.mayoclinic.org

o https://www.nih.gov

o https://www.apa.org

o https://www.aap.org/

· Should I start communicating with my co-parent during COVID-19?

o It’s detrimental to kids to have a wall of silence. Send a casual text about your children’s learning plan and ask if they have any tips for you. Approach it with curiosity.

· How would you respond to getting shut down?

o Explain that we have never encountered this situation before, and you want to make sure that the children are doing similar things.

· What can I tell my kids, so they aren’t scared?

o We have to arm our kids with information. This is not the time for kid’s gloves.

o Tell them that this is very serious.

· What behaviors should I be aware of that my child needs professional help?

o There is a reasonable level of anxiety right now.

o Pay attention if they are spending a lot of time in their room, and they do not want to spend a lot of time with the family.

o Watch out if they are obsessed with checking in on the news.

· Is therapy still available?

o Most therapists are participating in play therapy using telehealth.

o It’s not that odd for children to do virtual therapy.